Monday, March 31, 2008

How to Know if You're At a Black Church


1. Service starts at 11 a.m. but 50% of the members arrive at 11:20.

2. All the cars in the parking lot have been freshly washed.

3. The pastor doesn't come out until 45 mins after service has started.

4. The choir discusses 10 minutes which song to sing.

5. The musician then plays the song, but some of the choir members don't know it.

6. The parents whip the kids during worship..

7. The audience has to help the announcement clerk pronounce the words on the church bulletin..

8. Two of the church deacons have gold teeth.

9. The members socialize and speak during the tithes and offering.

10. When church is over no one discusses the pastor's message, they just
compliment each others' hair and outfits.

12. Members pay $20 but wait for $18 in change back.

13. The single women give each other signals when somebody handsome comes in.

14. You find notes between the seats after church that say: 'That*s not her hair' 'Who that baby daddy' 'He need to sit down' 'What you fixing for dinner' 'I KNOW she ain't got that on' 'Let me borrow a dollar for offering'

15. It takes 8 deacons 2 hours to count $400.

16. There is a check box on the tithe envolope that says 'Building Fund'

17. The morning service is either: Choir Day, Usher Day, Or Men or Women's Day.

18. The Pastor's teenage kids never attend church.

19. The Pastor's car has either a rag top or rims.

20. The women have on expensive heels, but have house shoes in their bags.

21. You see more than 5 people pass someone gum or peppermint.

22. Someone will feed a baby, cheetos, sugar cookies, crackers, or vanilla wafers in the sanctuary.

23. Someone will wear white in December.

24. Men will have on suits in the color of bright yellow, lime green, hot pink, sky blue, and candy apple red with shoes to match.

25. People will have a $80 Bible, but have to look in the table of contents to find the text of the pastor's message.