You Know You're from Kingsport When...

..You have dedicated much of your life to supporting Pal's.
..You know who Steve Grindstaff is and saw his extremely weirded up wedding on TV.
..You or someone you know (a friend of a friend, maybe) knows what Mark Reynolds really did to that gerbil.
..You think it's stupid that Sullivan Central High School got out for the Bristol Speedway race every year.
..The Microtel, and all that it entails.
..You remember why popcorn always tasted better, in that homemade popper at Wallace's Newsstand.
..Friday nights=Fort Henry Mall.
..La Caretta is your Mexican food of choice.
..You remember when there was ONE Wal-Mart, the Stone Gate Wal-Mart, and it wasn't Super.
..Your parents don't work at Eastman Chemical Company. They work at Eastman.
..If you ever went to the beach, nobody had to ask which one. Myrtle Beach is THE beach.
..You remember dozens of Kroger's.. but only one Oakwood.
..You hated Carter County and all their snow days.
..You remember when they found the decapitated head in Boone Lake, and you still went wakeboarding. Just like you did, after they found piranna in there.
..You don't even bother trying the Speedway gas station in lights because it's too busy.
..You took every field trip to Warrior's Path and their awful playground (it's better now, I know!)
..You remember when Fun Fest was in August and right before school.
..You shopped at the Food City in Green Acres when it faced in the other direction.
..You have either threatened to give or been offered to receive a B-Town Beat Down.
..You groan every year that South and DB want to have a race war.
..Kings Giant Plaza FINALLY went out of business and you celebrated because they got rid of those endless commercials every year.
..You were kind of surprised to learn that Daniel Boone blazed Bloomingdale Pike.
..You miss Joe Gong.
..There's no such thing as tea.. it's always peachy tea.
..You can recall Sharon's opening and them actually building the building in secret where nobody could see it.
..You've been in an altercation with a golf club over an AFG medallion.
..You wrote a letter to the editor about the year Fun Fest moved the fireworks and you couldn't see anything.
..You don't smell that funny Eastman smell anymore. It burned out your nostrils years ago.
..Saturdays, 12 Noon. Sound the horn.
..You took your tricked out Civic to park sideways at the Beach Hut.
..You know that Purple Cow is worth the wait/danger.
..You actually went to Skate City but only realized years later the sleaze factor of that place.
..You remember when Kingsport decided they only needed 8 minute evening news. And then, that they should just shut down the news station.
..You remember the original firework outrage being when they set off all the 4th of July fireworks at five in the morning.
..You've ever wondered.. if the Big Pal in Lynn Garden and the Indian from Pratt's BBQ had a fight, who would win?
..If you went to a city school, you were upset you didn't get out for snow. If you went to a Sullivan County school, you laughed at the city kids as you went back to bed.
..Once you got a license, Friday nights=Johnson City (better restaurants)
..You've done the Sensabaugh Tunnel thing. More than once.

Domino's Pizza Poll of Republicans versus Democrats

FYI, Domino's own internal poll claims

Republicans
-- Spend more per order than other consumers.
-- They rely on credit cards to pay more than other consumers.
-- They tend to order two large pizzas at a time, and they're usually
specialty pizzas.
-- They are more likely to order online, and more likely to pick up their
orders.

Democrats
-- Rely on delivery more than Republicans.
-- Pay cash more than other consumers.
-- Like more variety with their orders, opting for side items, chicken and
beverages more than Republicans.

(this isn't a joke, they actually did this)

November 5th Etiquette

FROM LINDA KINCAID, VIA ROWENA CHERRY:

Subject: NOVEMBER 5TH ETIQUETTE

Please read and enjoy:


1. No crying, hugging or shouting "Thank you Lord" (at least not in public)

2. No high-fives - at least not unless the area is clear and there are no witnesses

3. No laughing at the McCain/Palin supporters

4. No calling in sick on November 5th. (they'll get nervous if too many of us don't
show up)

5. We are allowed to give each other knowing winks or nods in passing. (just try to
keep from grinning too big)

6. No singing loudly, “We've come this Far By Faith.” (it will be acceptable to hum
softly)

7. No bringing of barbeque ribs or fried chicken for lunch in the company lunchroom
for at least a week (no chit'lins at all). This may make us seem to ethnic.

8. No leaving kool-aid packages at the water fountain. (this might be a sign that
poor folks might be getting a break-through)

9. No Cupid Shuffle during breaks. (this could indicate a little too much excitement)

10. Please do not play "Moving on Up" (we are going to try to remain humble)

11. No doing the George Jefferson dance (unless you're in your office with the door
closed)

12. Please try not to yell----BOOOO YAH!

13. Just in case you're wondering, Doing the Running Man, cabbage patch, or a
backhand spring on the highway is 100%.

Perks of aging past 50

GOT THIS FROM SAMUEL FLOYD PERRY:


1. Kidnappers are not very interested in you.
2. In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.
3. No one expects you to run--anywhere.
4. People call at 9 pm and ask, did I wake you?
5. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.
6. There is nothing left to learn the hard way.
7. Things you buy now won't wear out.
8. You can eat supper at 4 pm.
9. You can live without sex but not your glasses
10. You get into heated arguments about pension plans.
11. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
12. You quit trying to hold your stomach in no matter who walks into the
room.
13. You sing along with elevator music.
14. Your eyes won't get much worse.
15. Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.
16. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather
service.
17. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them
either.
18. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size.
19. You can't remember who sent you this list. And you notice these are all
in Big Print for your convenience.

P.S....Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a
laxative on the same night.

Obama

FROM DOUG RELEFORD:

Thanks so much for joining our campaign to spread Obama bumper stickers all
over the country. Together, we smashed our goal and have given out more than
half a million stickers already!

Do you think your friends would be interested in a free sticker, too? If so,
you can just forward them this link:

https://pol.moveon.org/obamastickers/?id=12818-9327075-5eFNTy
&t=1

Below is an email you can forward to your friends, too.

Thanks!

-Nita Chaudhary, MoveOn.org Political Action
Monday, June 9th, 2008

P.S. If you'd like to share this with your Facebook friends, add the group
"Join this group to get a free Obama bumper sticker from MoveOn" and then
invite all your friends. It's one of the fastest-growing groups on all of
Facebook right now:

http://www.moveon.org/r?r=3763

&id=12818-9327075-5eFNTy&t=2

_____

Hi,

I ordered a FREE Obama bumper sticker from MoveOn.org and I thought you
might want one, too.

The stickers are a great way to show your neighbors how excited folks are
about Barack Obama. They're high-quality and you can stick them
anywhere-your car, bike, laptop, or door.

Just click below to get one free:

https://pol.moveon.org/obamastickers/?id=12818-9327075-5eFNTy
&t=3

This is what they look like:

sticker

And feel free to forward this to anyone else you think might be interested.

Thanks!

_____

Support our member-driven organization: MoveOn.org Political Action is
entirely funded by our 3.2 million members. We have no corporate
contributors, no foundation grants, no money from unions. Our tiny staff
ensures that small contributions go a long way. If you'd like to support our
work, you can give now at:

http://political.moveon.org/donate/email.html?id=12818-9327075-5eFNTy

&t=5

PAID FOR BY MOVEON.ORG POLITICAL ACTION, http://pol.moveon.org/
Not authorized by any candidate or candidate's committee.

"People... Who Need People...Are the Luckiest People In The World..."

FROM FLOYD PERRY:


A Department of Water Resources representative stops at a Vermont farm and talks with an old farmer. He tells him, "I need to inspect your farm to make sure you're complying with government regulations."

The old farmer says "Okay, but don't go in that field over there."

The Water representative says, "Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me. See this card? This card means I am allowed to go WHEREVER I WISH on any agricultural land. No questions asked or answered. Have I made myself clear? Do you understand?"

The old farmer nods politely and goes about his chores.

Later, the old farmer hears loud screams and spies the Water Rep running for his life and close behind is the farmer's bull. The bull is gaining with every step.

The Rep is clearly terrified, so the old farmer immediately throws down his tools, runs to the fence and yells at the top of his lungs..

"Your card! Show him your card!"

Justice Day

GOT THIS FROM CHARLOTTE MAXWELL:


After living what I felt was a "decent" life, my time on earth came to the end. The first thing I remember is sitting on a bench in the waiting room of what I thought to be a court house.

The doors opened and I was instructed to come in and have a seat by the defense table. As I looked around I saw the prosecutor." He was a villainous looking gent who snarled as he stared at me. He definitely was the most evil person I have ever seen.

I sat down and looked to my left and there sat My Attorney, a kind and gentle looking man whose appearance seemed so familiar to me, I felt I knew Him.

The corner door flew open and there appeared the Judge in full flowing robes. He commanded an awesome presence as He moved across the room I couldn't take my eyes off of Him.


As He took His seat behind the bench, He said, "Let us begin."


The prosecutor rose and said, "My name is Satan and I am here to show you why this man belongs in hell."

He proceeded to tell of lies that I told, things that I stole, and In the past when I cheated others. Satan told of other horrible perversions that were once in my life and the more he spoke, the further down in my seat I sank.

I was so embarrassed that I couldn't look at anyone, even my own Attorney, as the Devil told of sins that even I had completely forgotten about.

As upset as I was at Satan for telling all these things about me, I was equally upset at My Attorney who sat there silently not offering any form of defense at all.

I know I had been guilty of those things, but I had done some good in my life - couldn't that at least equal out part of the harm I'd done?

Satan finished with a fury and said, "This man belongs in hell, he is guilty of all that I have charged and there is not a person who can prove otherwise."

When it was His turn, My Attorney first asked if He might approach the bench.

The Judge allowed this over the strong objection of Satan, and beckoned Him to come forward.

As He got up and started walking, I was able to see Him in His full splendor and majesty.

I realized why He seemed so familiar; this was Jesus representing me, my Lord and my Savior.

He stopped at the bench and softly said to the Judge, "Hi, Dad," and then He turned to address the court.

"Satan was correct in saying that this man had sinned, I won't deny any of these allegations. And, yes, the wage of sin is death, and this man deserves to be punished."

Jesus took a deep breath and turned to His Father with outstretched arms and proclaimed, "However, I died on the cross so that this person might have eternal life and he has accepted Me as his Savior, so he is Mine."

My Lord continued with, "His name is written in the Book of Life, and no one can snatch him from Me.
Satan still does not understand yet.
This man is not to be given justice, but rather mercy."


As Jesus sat down, He quietly paused, looked at His Father and said, "There is nothing else that needs to be done." "I've done it all."

The Judge lifted His mighty hand and slammed the gavel down. The following words bellowed from His lips..."This man is free." The penalty for him has already been paid in full. "Case dismissed."

As my Lord led me away, I could hear Satan ranting and raving, "I won't give up, I will win the next one." I asked Jesus as He gave me my instructions where to go next, "Have you ever lost a case?"

Christ lovingly smiled and said, "Everyone that has come to Me and asked Me to represent them has received the same verdict as you,

~Paid In Full~

"Stop telling God how big your storm is. Instead, tell the storm how big your God is!"