GOT THIS FROM SAMUEL FLOYD PERRY:
1. Kidnappers are not very interested in you.
2. In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.
3. No one expects you to run--anywhere.
4. People call at 9 pm and ask, did I wake you?
5. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.
6. There is nothing left to learn the hard way.
7. Things you buy now won't wear out.
8. You can eat supper at 4 pm.
9. You can live without sex but not your glasses
10. You get into heated arguments about pension plans.
11. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
12. You quit trying to hold your stomach in no matter who walks into the
room.
13. You sing along with elevator music.
14. Your eyes won't get much worse.
15. Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.
16. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather
service.
17. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them
either.
18. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size.
19. You can't remember who sent you this list. And you notice these are all
in Big Print for your convenience.
P.S....Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a
laxative on the same night.
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
Monday, June 16, 2008
Obama
FROM DOUG RELEFORD:
Thanks so much for joining our campaign to spread Obama bumper stickers all
over the country. Together, we smashed our goal and have given out more than
half a million stickers already!
Do you think your friends would be interested in a free sticker, too? If so,
you can just forward them this link:
https://pol.moveon.org/obamastickers/?id=12818-9327075-5eFNTy
&t=1
Below is an email you can forward to your friends, too.
Thanks!
-Nita Chaudhary, MoveOn.org Political Action
Monday, June 9th, 2008
P.S. If you'd like to share this with your Facebook friends, add the group
"Join this group to get a free Obama bumper sticker from MoveOn" and then
invite all your friends. It's one of the fastest-growing groups on all of
Facebook right now:
http://www.moveon.org/r?r=3763
&id=12818-9327075-5eFNTy&t=2
_____
Hi,
I ordered a FREE Obama bumper sticker from MoveOn.org and I thought you
might want one, too.
The stickers are a great way to show your neighbors how excited folks are
about Barack Obama. They're high-quality and you can stick them
anywhere-your car, bike, laptop, or door.
Just click below to get one free:
https://pol.moveon.org/obamastickers/?id=12818-9327075-5eFNTy
&t=3
This is what they look like:
sticker
And feel free to forward this to anyone else you think might be interested.
Thanks!
_____
Support our member-driven organization: MoveOn.org Political Action is
entirely funded by our 3.2 million members. We have no corporate
contributors, no foundation grants, no money from unions. Our tiny staff
ensures that small contributions go a long way. If you'd like to support our
work, you can give now at:
http://political.moveon.org/donate/email.html?id=12818-9327075-5eFNTy
&t=5
PAID FOR BY MOVEON.ORG POLITICAL ACTION, http://pol.moveon.org/
Not authorized by any candidate or candidate's committee.
Thanks so much for joining our campaign to spread Obama bumper stickers all
over the country. Together, we smashed our goal and have given out more than
half a million stickers already!
Do you think your friends would be interested in a free sticker, too? If so,
you can just forward them this link:
https://pol.moveon.org/obamastickers/?id=12818-9327075-5eFNTy
&t=1
Below is an email you can forward to your friends, too.
Thanks!
-Nita Chaudhary, MoveOn.org Political Action
Monday, June 9th, 2008
P.S. If you'd like to share this with your Facebook friends, add the group
"Join this group to get a free Obama bumper sticker from MoveOn" and then
invite all your friends. It's one of the fastest-growing groups on all of
Facebook right now:
http://www.moveon.org/r?r=3763
&id=12818-9327075-5eFNTy&t=2
_____
Hi,
I ordered a FREE Obama bumper sticker from MoveOn.org and I thought you
might want one, too.
The stickers are a great way to show your neighbors how excited folks are
about Barack Obama. They're high-quality and you can stick them
anywhere-your car, bike, laptop, or door.
Just click below to get one free:
https://pol.moveon.org/obamastickers/?id=12818-9327075-5eFNTy
&t=3
This is what they look like:
sticker
And feel free to forward this to anyone else you think might be interested.
Thanks!
_____
Support our member-driven organization: MoveOn.org Political Action is
entirely funded by our 3.2 million members. We have no corporate
contributors, no foundation grants, no money from unions. Our tiny staff
ensures that small contributions go a long way. If you'd like to support our
work, you can give now at:
http://political.moveon.org/donate/email.html?id=12818-9327075-5eFNTy
&t=5
PAID FOR BY MOVEON.ORG POLITICAL ACTION, http://pol.moveon.org/
Not authorized by any candidate or candidate's committee.
Friday, June 13, 2008
"People... Who Need People...Are the Luckiest People In The World..."
FROM FLOYD PERRY:
A Department of Water Resources representative stops at a Vermont farm and talks with an old farmer. He tells him, "I need to inspect your farm to make sure you're complying with government regulations."
The old farmer says "Okay, but don't go in that field over there."
The Water representative says, "Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me. See this card? This card means I am allowed to go WHEREVER I WISH on any agricultural land. No questions asked or answered. Have I made myself clear? Do you understand?"
The old farmer nods politely and goes about his chores.
Later, the old farmer hears loud screams and spies the Water Rep running for his life and close behind is the farmer's bull. The bull is gaining with every step.
The Rep is clearly terrified, so the old farmer immediately throws down his tools, runs to the fence and yells at the top of his lungs..
"Your card! Show him your card!"
A Department of Water Resources representative stops at a Vermont farm and talks with an old farmer. He tells him, "I need to inspect your farm to make sure you're complying with government regulations."
The old farmer says "Okay, but don't go in that field over there."
The Water representative says, "Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me. See this card? This card means I am allowed to go WHEREVER I WISH on any agricultural land. No questions asked or answered. Have I made myself clear? Do you understand?"
The old farmer nods politely and goes about his chores.
Later, the old farmer hears loud screams and spies the Water Rep running for his life and close behind is the farmer's bull. The bull is gaining with every step.
The Rep is clearly terrified, so the old farmer immediately throws down his tools, runs to the fence and yells at the top of his lungs..
"Your card! Show him your card!"
Justice Day
GOT THIS FROM CHARLOTTE MAXWELL:
After living what I felt was a "decent" life, my time on earth came to the end. The first thing I remember is sitting on a bench in the waiting room of what I thought to be a court house.
The doors opened and I was instructed to come in and have a seat by the defense table. As I looked around I saw the prosecutor." He was a villainous looking gent who snarled as he stared at me. He definitely was the most evil person I have ever seen.
I sat down and looked to my left and there sat My Attorney, a kind and gentle looking man whose appearance seemed so familiar to me, I felt I knew Him.
The corner door flew open and there appeared the Judge in full flowing robes. He commanded an awesome presence as He moved across the room I couldn't take my eyes off of Him.
As He took His seat behind the bench, He said, "Let us begin."
The prosecutor rose and said, "My name is Satan and I am here to show you why this man belongs in hell."
He proceeded to tell of lies that I told, things that I stole, and In the past when I cheated others. Satan told of other horrible perversions that were once in my life and the more he spoke, the further down in my seat I sank.
I was so embarrassed that I couldn't look at anyone, even my own Attorney, as the Devil told of sins that even I had completely forgotten about.
As upset as I was at Satan for telling all these things about me, I was equally upset at My Attorney who sat there silently not offering any form of defense at all.
I know I had been guilty of those things, but I had done some good in my life - couldn't that at least equal out part of the harm I'd done?
Satan finished with a fury and said, "This man belongs in hell, he is guilty of all that I have charged and there is not a person who can prove otherwise."
When it was His turn, My Attorney first asked if He might approach the bench.
The Judge allowed this over the strong objection of Satan, and beckoned Him to come forward.
As He got up and started walking, I was able to see Him in His full splendor and majesty.
I realized why He seemed so familiar; this was Jesus representing me, my Lord and my Savior.
He stopped at the bench and softly said to the Judge, "Hi, Dad," and then He turned to address the court.
"Satan was correct in saying that this man had sinned, I won't deny any of these allegations. And, yes, the wage of sin is death, and this man deserves to be punished."
Jesus took a deep breath and turned to His Father with outstretched arms and proclaimed, "However, I died on the cross so that this person might have eternal life and he has accepted Me as his Savior, so he is Mine."
My Lord continued with, "His name is written in the Book of Life, and no one can snatch him from Me.
Satan still does not understand yet.
This man is not to be given justice, but rather mercy."
As Jesus sat down, He quietly paused, looked at His Father and said, "There is nothing else that needs to be done." "I've done it all."
The Judge lifted His mighty hand and slammed the gavel down. The following words bellowed from His lips..."This man is free." The penalty for him has already been paid in full. "Case dismissed."
As my Lord led me away, I could hear Satan ranting and raving, "I won't give up, I will win the next one." I asked Jesus as He gave me my instructions where to go next, "Have you ever lost a case?"
Christ lovingly smiled and said, "Everyone that has come to Me and asked Me to represent them has received the same verdict as you,
~Paid In Full~
"Stop telling God how big your storm is. Instead, tell the storm how big your God is!"
After living what I felt was a "decent" life, my time on earth came to the end. The first thing I remember is sitting on a bench in the waiting room of what I thought to be a court house.
The doors opened and I was instructed to come in and have a seat by the defense table. As I looked around I saw the prosecutor." He was a villainous looking gent who snarled as he stared at me. He definitely was the most evil person I have ever seen.
I sat down and looked to my left and there sat My Attorney, a kind and gentle looking man whose appearance seemed so familiar to me, I felt I knew Him.
The corner door flew open and there appeared the Judge in full flowing robes. He commanded an awesome presence as He moved across the room I couldn't take my eyes off of Him.
As He took His seat behind the bench, He said, "Let us begin."
The prosecutor rose and said, "My name is Satan and I am here to show you why this man belongs in hell."
He proceeded to tell of lies that I told, things that I stole, and In the past when I cheated others. Satan told of other horrible perversions that were once in my life and the more he spoke, the further down in my seat I sank.
I was so embarrassed that I couldn't look at anyone, even my own Attorney, as the Devil told of sins that even I had completely forgotten about.
As upset as I was at Satan for telling all these things about me, I was equally upset at My Attorney who sat there silently not offering any form of defense at all.
I know I had been guilty of those things, but I had done some good in my life - couldn't that at least equal out part of the harm I'd done?
Satan finished with a fury and said, "This man belongs in hell, he is guilty of all that I have charged and there is not a person who can prove otherwise."
When it was His turn, My Attorney first asked if He might approach the bench.
The Judge allowed this over the strong objection of Satan, and beckoned Him to come forward.
As He got up and started walking, I was able to see Him in His full splendor and majesty.
I realized why He seemed so familiar; this was Jesus representing me, my Lord and my Savior.
He stopped at the bench and softly said to the Judge, "Hi, Dad," and then He turned to address the court.
"Satan was correct in saying that this man had sinned, I won't deny any of these allegations. And, yes, the wage of sin is death, and this man deserves to be punished."
Jesus took a deep breath and turned to His Father with outstretched arms and proclaimed, "However, I died on the cross so that this person might have eternal life and he has accepted Me as his Savior, so he is Mine."
My Lord continued with, "His name is written in the Book of Life, and no one can snatch him from Me.
Satan still does not understand yet.
This man is not to be given justice, but rather mercy."
As Jesus sat down, He quietly paused, looked at His Father and said, "There is nothing else that needs to be done." "I've done it all."
The Judge lifted His mighty hand and slammed the gavel down. The following words bellowed from His lips..."This man is free." The penalty for him has already been paid in full. "Case dismissed."
As my Lord led me away, I could hear Satan ranting and raving, "I won't give up, I will win the next one." I asked Jesus as He gave me my instructions where to go next, "Have you ever lost a case?"
Christ lovingly smiled and said, "Everyone that has come to Me and asked Me to represent them has received the same verdict as you,
~Paid In Full~
"Stop telling God how big your storm is. Instead, tell the storm how big your God is!"
Tuesday, June 3, 2008
Here is a good laugh for ANY day!!!
FROM THELMA WATTERSON, VIA A WHOLE BUNCH OF PEOPLE:
SOUTHERN THINKING
Georgia:
The owner of a golf course was confused about paying an invoice,
so he decided to ask his secretary for some mathematical help. He called her
into his office and said, "You graduated from the University of Georgia and
I need some help. If I were to give you $20,000, minus 14%, how much would
you take off?" The secretary thought a moment, and then replied, "Everything but my earrings."
SOUTHERN THINKING
Alabama:
A group of Alabama friends went deer hunting and paired off in twos for the day. That night, one of the hunters returned alone, staggering under the weight of an eight-point buck. "Where's Henry?" the others asked.. "Henry had a stroke of some kind! He's a couple of miles back up the trail," the successful hunter replied."
You left Henry laying out there and carried the deer back?" they inquired."A tough call," nodded the hunter. "But I figured no one is going to steal Henry!"
SOUTHERN THINKING
Mississippi:
The young man from Mississippi came running into the store and said to his buddy, "Bubba, somebody just stole your pickup truck from the parking lot!"
Bubba replied, "Did you see who it was? "The young man answered, "I couldn't tell, but I got the license number."
SOUTHERN THINKING
Tennessee:
A Tennessee State trooper pulled over a pickup on I-65. The trooper asked, "Got any ID?" The driver replied, "Bout whut?"
SOUTHERN THINKING
North Carolina:
A man in North Carolina had a flat tire, pulled off on the side of the road, and proceeded to put a bouquet of flowers in front of the car and one behind it. Then he got back in the car to wait. A passerby studied the scene as he drove by and was so
curious he turned around and went back. He asked the fellow what the problem was. The man replied, "I have a flat tire." The passerby asked, "But what's with the flowers?" The man responded, "When you break down they tell you to put flares in the front and flares in the back. I never did understand it either."
SOUTHERN THINKING
Georgia:
The owner of a golf course was confused about paying an invoice,
so he decided to ask his secretary for some mathematical help. He called her
into his office and said, "You graduated from the University of Georgia and
I need some help. If I were to give you $20,000, minus 14%, how much would
you take off?" The secretary thought a moment, and then replied, "Everything but my earrings."
SOUTHERN THINKING
Alabama:
A group of Alabama friends went deer hunting and paired off in twos for the day. That night, one of the hunters returned alone, staggering under the weight of an eight-point buck. "Where's Henry?" the others asked.. "Henry had a stroke of some kind! He's a couple of miles back up the trail," the successful hunter replied."
You left Henry laying out there and carried the deer back?" they inquired."A tough call," nodded the hunter. "But I figured no one is going to steal Henry!"
SOUTHERN THINKING
Mississippi:
The young man from Mississippi came running into the store and said to his buddy, "Bubba, somebody just stole your pickup truck from the parking lot!"
Bubba replied, "Did you see who it was? "The young man answered, "I couldn't tell, but I got the license number."
SOUTHERN THINKING
Tennessee:
A Tennessee State trooper pulled over a pickup on I-65. The trooper asked, "Got any ID?" The driver replied, "Bout whut?"
SOUTHERN THINKING
North Carolina:
A man in North Carolina had a flat tire, pulled off on the side of the road, and proceeded to put a bouquet of flowers in front of the car and one behind it. Then he got back in the car to wait. A passerby studied the scene as he drove by and was so
curious he turned around and went back. He asked the fellow what the problem was. The man replied, "I have a flat tire." The passerby asked, "But what's with the flowers?" The man responded, "When you break down they tell you to put flares in the front and flares in the back. I never did understand it either."
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
A Scary Scam For Your Cell Phone
Got this from the Grays, via William Earl Evans:
SCARY. WHAT WILL CRIME THINK OF NEXT. WE HAVE TO ALWAYS BE ONE STEP
AHEAD. EXHAUSTING, ISN'T IT.
I never thought of this..
This lady has changed her habit of how she lists her names on her mobile
phone after her handbag was stolen. Her handbag, which contained her
cellphone, credit card, wallet... etc... was stolen.
20 minutes later when she called her hubby, from a payphone telling him what had happened, hubby says "I received your text asking about our PIN number and I've replied a little while ago."
When they rushed down to the bank, the bank staff told them all the money was already withdrawn. The thief had actually used the stolen cell phone to text "hubby" in the contact list and got hold of the pin number.
Within 20 minutes he had withdrawn all the money from their bank account.
Moral of the lesson: Do not disclose the relationship between you and the people in your contact list. Avoid using names like Home, Honey, Hubby, Sweetheart, Dad, Mom, etc... And very importantly, when sensitive info is being asked through texts, CONFIRM by calling back. Also, when you're being text by friends or family to meet them somewhere, be sure to call back to confirm that the message came from them. If you don't reach them, be very careful about going places to meet "family and friends" who text you.
PLEASE PASS THIS ON
I never thought about THAT! As of right now, I no longer have "home" named on my cell phone.
SCARY. WHAT WILL CRIME THINK OF NEXT. WE HAVE TO ALWAYS BE ONE STEP
AHEAD. EXHAUSTING, ISN'T IT.
I never thought of this..
This lady has changed her habit of how she lists her names on her mobile
phone after her handbag was stolen. Her handbag, which contained her
cellphone, credit card, wallet... etc... was stolen.
20 minutes later when she called her hubby, from a payphone telling him what had happened, hubby says "I received your text asking about our PIN number and I've replied a little while ago."
When they rushed down to the bank, the bank staff told them all the money was already withdrawn. The thief had actually used the stolen cell phone to text "hubby" in the contact list and got hold of the pin number.
Within 20 minutes he had withdrawn all the money from their bank account.
Moral of the lesson: Do not disclose the relationship between you and the people in your contact list. Avoid using names like Home, Honey, Hubby, Sweetheart, Dad, Mom, etc... And very importantly, when sensitive info is being asked through texts, CONFIRM by calling back. Also, when you're being text by friends or family to meet them somewhere, be sure to call back to confirm that the message came from them. If you don't reach them, be very careful about going places to meet "family and friends" who text you.
PLEASE PASS THIS ON
I never thought about THAT! As of right now, I no longer have "home" named on my cell phone.
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
To All The Wonderful Women That Bless Your Day!
GOT THIS FROM LINDA WADE:
Your sisters, your mother, your daughters, the ladies you work with everyday, even your online female friends.
And send this to all the men in your life, that they can realize the gift God has given them.
Dear My Child,
When I created the heavens and the earth, I spoke them into being.
When I created man, I formed him and breathed life into his nostrils.
But you, woman, I fashioned after I breathed the breath of life into man because your nostrils are too delicate.
I allowed a deep sleep to come over him so I could patiently and perfectly fashion you.
Man was put to sleep so that he could not interfere with the creativity.
From one bone, I fashioned you. I chose the bone that protects man's life.
I chose the rib, which protects his heart and lungs and supports him, as you are meant to do. Around this one bone, I shaped you....
I modeled you. I created you perfectly and beautifully.
Your characteristics are as the rib, strong yet delicate and fragile.
You provide protection for the most delicate organ in man , his heart.
His heart is the center of his being; his lungs hold the breath of life.
The rib cage will allow itself to be broken before it will allow damage to the heart. Support man as the rib cage supports the body.
You were not taken from his feet, to be under him, nor were you taken from his head, to be above him.
You were taken from his side, to stand beside him and be held close to his side.
You are my perfect angel.....You are my beautiful little girl.
You will or have grown to be a splendid woman of excellence, and my eyes fill when I see the virtues in your heart.
Your eyes......don't change them.
Your lips….how lovely when they part in prayer.
Your nose…so perfect in form.
Your hands…..so gentle to touch
I've caressed your face in your deepest sleep.
I've held your heart close to mine.. of all that lives and breathes, you are most like me.
Adam walked with me in the cool of the day, yet he was lonely. He could not see me or touch me.
He could only feel me. So everything I wanted Adam to share and experience with me,
I fashioned in you my holiness, my strength, my purity, my love, my protection and support.
You are special because you are an extension of me. Man represents my image, woman my emotions.
Together, you represent the totality of (me) God.
Love,
God
Your sisters, your mother, your daughters, the ladies you work with everyday, even your online female friends.
And send this to all the men in your life, that they can realize the gift God has given them.
Dear My Child,
When I created the heavens and the earth, I spoke them into being.
When I created man, I formed him and breathed life into his nostrils.
But you, woman, I fashioned after I breathed the breath of life into man because your nostrils are too delicate.
I allowed a deep sleep to come over him so I could patiently and perfectly fashion you.
Man was put to sleep so that he could not interfere with the creativity.
From one bone, I fashioned you. I chose the bone that protects man's life.
I chose the rib, which protects his heart and lungs and supports him, as you are meant to do. Around this one bone, I shaped you....
I modeled you. I created you perfectly and beautifully.
Your characteristics are as the rib, strong yet delicate and fragile.
You provide protection for the most delicate organ in man , his heart.
His heart is the center of his being; his lungs hold the breath of life.
The rib cage will allow itself to be broken before it will allow damage to the heart. Support man as the rib cage supports the body.
You were not taken from his feet, to be under him, nor were you taken from his head, to be above him.
You were taken from his side, to stand beside him and be held close to his side.
You are my perfect angel.....You are my beautiful little girl.
You will or have grown to be a splendid woman of excellence, and my eyes fill when I see the virtues in your heart.
Your eyes......don't change them.
Your lips….how lovely when they part in prayer.
Your nose…so perfect in form.
Your hands…..so gentle to touch
I've caressed your face in your deepest sleep.
I've held your heart close to mine.. of all that lives and breathes, you are most like me.
Adam walked with me in the cool of the day, yet he was lonely. He could not see me or touch me.
He could only feel me. So everything I wanted Adam to share and experience with me,
I fashioned in you my holiness, my strength, my purity, my love, my protection and support.
You are special because you are an extension of me. Man represents my image, woman my emotions.
Together, you represent the totality of (me) God.
Love,
God
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